Funny/Interesting: June 2004 Archives
An Iranian news agency is reporting that a local woman gave birth to a frog. According to the paper, she picked up a larvae when she was swimming in a pond, which was apparently not chlorinated. Doctors claim that the frog has “human characteristics,” but no tests have been done yet to confirm the part humanness of the beast.
Read the full story on the Beeb’s website.
From today’s McSweeny’s, “How to tell people you are a Billionaire without sounding obnoxious.”
1. Excuse me, but did you know that I am a billionaire? Well, I am. Nice wheelchair, asshole.
2. Pardon me, but did you drop this wallet? Oh, no, wait. I dropped it. I guess because it was so full of money. (Sigh.) Billions of dollars, in fact. Come back here or I’ll hire someone to kill you.
3. My, what a cute baby. I have a baby at home made entirely out of one-hundred-dollar bills. Why do you think Jesus loves me so much? Is it because I am a billionaire?
4. What nice weather we’re having. I enjoy the rain. I also enjoy inviting a bunch of orphans over to my house and telling them that I am going to adopt them. Then, at the end of the day, I gather them around me and, after pausing to puff on my pipe, I say, “Just kidding, jerks.” I am a billionaire.
And my personal favorite:
5. Do you know what a billion dollars looks like? I guess not, because you are blind. I’m sleeping with your wife.
Check out this great collection of beautiful pictures taken from kites in mid air.
McSweeny’s has got some great “talking points” for use by professional references, check ‘em out.
Here is an excerpt, my favorite:
3. What is your overall evaluation of this applicant?
He is the apotheosis of mankind, period! Ha-ha, just kidding. Or am I? [Huge contemplative pause.] In the history of time, I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed someone so young and yet so mature. Various things that come to mind when thinking about him, which I do often, even outside of work: self-possessed, tall, strong handed, upright, weight-bearing, dynamic, full bodied, melodic, sweet smelling, and aplomb-filled. I could go on and on, but let me just say this:
[Closing Argument]
