Congress busy on important issues, please call back later

Please stop writing to or calling your elected officials, they are very busy considering the very most important issues of the day an don’t have time to speak with you right now. Some of the pressing matters recently or soon to be voted on are:

• protecting the flag from the recent rash of burnings and other desecrating acts
• protecting innocent men and woman from the too-fabulous weddings of gay couples
• protecting the Pledge of Allegiance from recalcitrant schoolchildren and parents
• protecting free thinking individuals from the dangers of Internet Texas Hold’em poker
• various other unspecified “social issues” called the “The American Values Agenda”

Now here’s a list of the things that the congress considers less important, but that you still should not contact them about:

• discovering what’s broken in Iraq and helping to fix it
• providing legislation that will protect America from attachs via our seaports
• developing meaningful, consequential caps on vehicle emmisions to prevent global warming
• legitimately investigating and monitoring the president’s overreaching domestic surveillance programs
• stopping the same spy activities
• fixing the gaping budget deficit
• repairing Social Security and more importantly Medicare entitlements before they bankrupt my children’s government
• improving American primary and secondary schools
• helping the 40 million children without it to get into some form of health insurance program